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Introduction
For quite a long period of history, issues related to death and dying were within the scope of the churchs professional competences. Representatives of Christian denominations explained the afterlife to the common people and took care of the dying. With the development of a natural-scientific view, the monopoly of talking about death has slowly moved from church to the medical community. In recent decades, however, the medical opinion on mortality also has serious competition. Now, new groups, such as funeral entrepreneurs or psychologists, are increasingly talking about death and dying.
Description of Death
The person whose death I had to face a decade ago was my beloved sister named Jo Ann Rose. She was 52, and by that time, she had been fighting ovarian cancer for four years with surgery and chemotherapy. In the United States, it is the fifth most common cause of womens cancer deaths (Brazier paras. 5-6). This malignant tumor is difficult to diagnose in the early stages, it quickly metastases, and advanced stages are poorly treated.
The words you have cancer from the mouth of a doctor is any patients fear his or her life is splintering into two parts, and the second will be shorter than the first. The first period of chemotherapy was awful: vomiting, spasms, temperature. Drinking and eating were impossible, and due to strong pain, she was lost. One of the worst things here is the inability to help your beloved person. In Jo Ann Roses treatment, the most intimidating for her was the loss of strength. Suddenly becoming helpless and physically powerless is something that people find difficult to accept. Chemotherapy took away a lot of physical and spiritual forces, joints started to hurt so that in the morning there was no strength to get up, and her hair fell out.
Understanding that all people are mortal, and there can be no exceptions here comes gradually. In my sisters case, all ideas, expectations and opinions about life instantly turned over. Her life used to be full of plans: meeting friends, going to the cinema and many other activities. Then, under the oppression of the disease, all these plans did not seem important. However, even being confused and upset, my sister still tried to streamline her life. It helped not deep in the disturbing thoughts that stressed her. Later, my sister decided to accept her life as it was. Jo Ann Rose desired not to be angry and offended, but to enjoy even the last days. Poor psychological attitudes can nullify any effort to prolong life. My sister wanted to spend the last days with comfort, next to specialists who at any moment could provide professional assistance. She chose a hospice with professional and caring staff. Such employees are very important, as they help not to lose a positive attitude and more comfortable to perceive physically unpleasant moments.
My sisters decision to live in a hospice a few months had a positive impact on her mental state. The activities of hospices and their medical staff are closely intertwined with the Glaser-Strauss theory about death awareness. These researchers studied patients with fatal diagnoses who knew and who did not know that their disease was threatening (Attig, p. 7). On the basis of this research, they highlighted an open and closed awareness of impending death. In the case of my sister, only open awareness was possible. Thanks to the Glaser-Strauss theory, modern medical staff is well educated on how to work with different types of awareness. As a result, skills of effective communication with patients and their families develop.
Thus, in the last days of my sisters life, it is possible to track dimensions of coping with death suggested by Charles Corr, which are physical, psychological, social and spiritual (Corr 5). The fact that she could accept the reality and enjoyed its remains speak about her strong spirit and ability to see hope. Furthermore, psychologically it helped her cope with fear and concern. It was not easy, but she overcame anxiety and could inspire all our family and me. Moreover, she continued to control life and make important decisions, for example, to spend the last months in a hospice. In the social sphere, she could hold relations with family at a stable level. Of course, there were specific difficulties for everyone worries, nervous breakdowns, but we did not give up thanks to Jo Ann Rose.
My sister was convinced we were in this world to create something. It may even be little things, but the main thing is to put own heart in it. It is essential to make even small things though nobody sees and will not appreciate it. Jo Ann Rose put her soul and love into her family, so it was hard for us to cope with the loss when she passed.
Effect on Family
Someone who is sick no matter whether it is oncology or a simple flu needs psychological support. Pills and procedures are, of course, essential, but nothing will replace the understanding look of a sister, friend, or a loved one. However, the first feeling of the sick and their loved ones when they learned of such a diagnosis is not fear, horror, or despair. The confusion comes first people are disoriented and do not know what to do.
During the period of treatment, our family faced many obstacles. Unfortunately, there was very little useful and available information about cancer treatment which made us afraid even more. Someone ignores their diagnosis, and does want to not start treatment. The main thing that we understood is if a cancer diagnosis is made it is not necessary to panic but to take actions. First, people need to approach it like any other disease start treating. Many people pretend that dangerous illnesses occur only with others, but will not affect them personally. However, it can happen to anyone, and it is worth taking care of regular medical screenings. It is crucial to educate people, to give access to information.
In our familys actions, the Dokas stages of life-threading illness is traced. At acute and chronic stages, we tried our best to fight the disease, treat my sister (Corr, p. 5). Moreover, at the chronic stage, the sister has already accepted her illness, trying to realize the fact of impending death. The final stage for Jo Ann Rose took place in a hospice, and her family wanted to support her and use the time to say the most important thing. After her death the long stage of recovery came. We tried to cope with the loss and discovered a lot of new in our views on life.
When facing death, everything people keep inside rises: all fears, all phobias generate horror. However, it often happens that awareness of own mortality makes it possible to feel the fullness of life and makes people appreciate it more (Tomer, p. 525). A person, afraid of death, tries to control his/her own life, manage tomorrows day, and other things that are beyond control. The future is disturbing because people do not know what will happen or how. We fear to make mistakes and try to insure ourselves in all spheres of activity, and it prevents us from enjoying a happy and full life.
Honoring
To say goodbye to my sister, our family arranged a classic funeral. That day, we tried not to think about our loss, but about the time we were able to spend together. I wanted to honor pleasant memories I chose photos that reminded me of Jo Ann Rose. I also selected songs my sister loved and did a slide show. In this way I shared my memories with loved ones, and it seemed like she was around too enjoying the favorite tunes and being nostalgic. According to Hoy, sharing memories at funerals is one of the most frequent and powerful components of the loss acceptance (48). After that, the whole family gathered at the table at my nephews house.
Although it has been quite a while since Jo Ann Rose died, I still miss her now. For this reason, I visit my sister frequently at her burial site whenever it is possible. On her birthdays and every Christmas, I pick beautiful flowers and carry a bouquet to her grave. I also visit her on Memorial Day and tidy the place. These visits are vital for me because, in this way, I feel our bonds with the sister and her support.
Conclusion
Death has always been a significant theme of religious practices, philosophy, medicine, and art. They all turn to the specific features of the process of dying and the state that characterizes death. Moreover, they give significance to eternal themes: the fate concept, the existence of God, the search for a place in life, and so on. Death is frightening with its inevitable devotion to everyone and, at the same time, its infinite strangeness. Some people are afraid not only to talk about death but to think about it too. Denial of mortality creates the illusion of its distance, delay: if not to think of it, then it also will not come.
At present, there is no single definition of the concept of loss, as each person defines this event in own way, investing unique meaning in it. Many scientists are studying the condition of a person, approaching death, as well as people who suffered a loss. Although each persons grief is unique, they were able to identify some patterns and stages. For example, most people who have suffered the death of a close person agree that this loss has characteristics such as irreversibility and significance. Similar researches and discoveries help people go through such a terrible experience with the support of loved ones and professionals. On the example of personal experience, I can also find evidence of these studies. My sister Jo Ann Rose could meet the death with dignity, and we, her family, thanks to mutual support, were able to honor her justly.
Works Cited
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Attig, Thomas. Seeking Wisdom about Mortality, Dying, and Bereavement. Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Contemporary Perspectives, Institutions, and Practices, edited by Thomas Attig, and Judith M. Stillion, Springer Publishing Company, 2014, pp.1-14.
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Brazier, Yvette. What is ovarian cancer? Medically reviewed by YaminiRanchod, PhD, MS. Medical News Today, 2019. Web.
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Corr, Charles A. The Five Stages in Coping with Dying and Bereavement: Strengths, Weaknesses and Some Alternatives. Mortality, vol.24, no.4, 2019, pp. 405-417.
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Hoy, William G. Do Funerals Matter? The Purposes and Practices of Death Rituals in Global Perspective. Routledge, 2013.
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Tomer, Adrian. Life Events. Macmillan Encyclopedia of Death and Dying, edited by Robert Kastenbaum, Thomson Gale, 2003, pp. 523-525.
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