Personal Narrative Essay about Self Confidence

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Self-confidence in dancersIn this essay I am going to explain the effects and outcomes of self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-esteem in dancers.

Self-confidence

During their training, dancers will experience phases of low and high self-confidence

There are myths associated with building self-confidence, such as: receiving positive feedback from your fellow peers and teacher and dancers can only build their confidence by being successful. Although these are labeled as Myths, from my experiences I found that receiving positive feedback from your teachers and classmates does help. However, there are cases where being overconfident can be seen as arrogance or what is commonly known as having an ego.

Having confidence as a dancer is crucial to the career path they choose to take, whether it is being a ballet dancer, tap dancer, or even a commercial dancer. All styles require self-confidence as it brings much more to the performance and also in auditions.

Having low self-confidence, on the other hand, is very common in dancers; especially male dancers. Being a male dancer myself, I found it a struggle to fit in with society, as dancing for boys was not accepted and you became a target for bullies. The names they give you and the way they mock you make you become insecure and shy, it also can make you experience phases of depression. I learned that when I had a bad day at school I could go into the studio and dance to forget what I had been experiencing and by the end of a class my anger and frustration had left. Luckily for me, I had lessons every evening and so used these to mentally focus and forget negative days and concentrate on what was important and positive. When I started at the college I believe this gave me a good start as I needed to toughen up even more in order to deal with the professional expectations of the course and strict ballet teachers. I still use different lessons in the day to enjoy and relax and this also brings my confidence up if I have had a negative lesson in another genre. I now believe that I can do it rather than reflect negatively when things go wrong.

There is a saying from the book Bullied For Dancing (2018) by Ryan P. Casey A lot of the kids who bully want some kind of essential that you have pg. 37  Chris Bell (A dance choreographer from San Antonio, Texas who experienced bullying for being a dancer throughout his childhood).

As long as you have the support of your family and friends and believe in yourself, nothing is impossible. It is more of a phycological issue than and it is often true that no one is actually holding you back.

In this day and age, it’s quite common that there are cases of low self-confidence due to dancers not being satisfied with their body image which then can lead to stress. Some dancers become so obsessed with their body shape that they stop eating properly and skip meals. This can then lead to eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. This then can have a bad effect on their mental health as they will not have enough nutrition to keep their body in shape and also keep their mind awake. In some schools, the dancers are kept on a strict diet and shamed for eating junk food. Sometimes this is done in front of their peers. I have known dancers who have left schools because of this kind of embarrassing treatment and sometimes they no longer dance and they feel so anxious because of it. The industry is fairly harsh when it comes to body types, it is quite a judgemental process in auditions for shows as they are very specific in what they are looking for. Dancers who are on the large side tend to have less of an advantage than those who are fairly skinny. I find that being quite a muscly dancer I am very limited in how my body moves and also there is a limited casting bracket. Every time I dance in front of the mirrors in any dance class, I doubt my chances of being a classical dancer as I am not the right build. When I was 5 I auditioned for Royal Ballet Associates, and in the letter, they came straight to the point and said I was not in the right shape which made me quite ashamed that because of my body image, I stood no chance of a place in the associate program.

Recently I started to get the same correction from my teachers, which is that I am too tense when I dance and need to relax in the movement. The same correction for singing too, as I tense my jaw and I am too tense and my abdominals grip too much. I have now learned to stretch more and leave out the heavier weight lifting in the gym but I did find it so difficult to release the tension as I had pumped my body up to the point where I could not physically relax or dance fluently and less ridged. Another dancer who did the same was advised to lower the weights and his shape slimmed down but he still had the strength to dance correctly. I have now followed the same advice given and found I am slimming down the muscle and keeping my stamina too. It is good to get advice and knowledge from other students about their training experiences and reflect on my own.

On a more positive reflection on my training, I have achieved physical stamina which has given me more confidence in knowing that I can dance in other genres to a higher standard than just ballet it is self. I can now mentally cope with the physical endurance skills that I need and mentally cope with the demands of corrective criticism from my teachers and do not take it as a criticism of me personally. This will enable me to focus more on where I need to train more to correct my posture and performance.

In my performance, I believe that I have still got many strengths and weaknesses. I reflect on each class and take notice of what needs to change in order to get better technique. I sometimes forget and then get have to be corrected again so I then need to re-focus. Sometimes this is because I am tired or have not had the chance to eat enough between classes so I am learning to fuel myself in between with small snacks. This is also a way of keeping my endurance up all day and I am learning how to fuel my body efficiently with the correct foods. This has been a good learning curve because some days I have realized that I could not perform to the best that I know I can do.

In the past, I trained with Mathew Bourne dancers and have been influenced by the physique and structures of other male dancers in respect of my own body shape. One dancer in particular Danny Ruebens was quite stocky compared to royal ballet dancers. However, over the years with myself growing in height and muscularity, I realized as I compare myself to Danny I can aspire to be a good all-around dancer not have to stick thin. When Danny has spoken to me over the last 3 years, he has responded positively and noticed the physical change, and has given me encouragement along the way. I have taken his advice onboard and continued with my regular fitness regime and I plan to keep going with it, I also take extra responsibility for improving by attending professional development with New-Adventures. I use this to get additional feedback from another source of training and talk to professional dancers who also attended those courses.

There is a belief that Self-confidence is fuelled by endless criticism, a quote by Gavin Larsen (author of the book The Quest for Confidence) also states that One Big challenge for dancers is developing a clear sense of themselves in the first place. Larsen, L. (2016) The Quest For Confidence: The Dancers Dilemma, p.1.

After reading Gavin Larsens quote, it has made me realize that I need to have a clear sense of knowing who I am and what I want to get out of the training. Also, my idea personal idea of self-confidence is more or less on the same track in the sense that I believe that I think self-confidence is a matter of restraining shaming yourself and resist from doubting your capabilities.

Self – efficacy

Self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities, in other words, a dancer believes that they can accomplish their goal.

According to the psychologist, Albert Bandura, Self-beliefs of efficacy play a key role in the self-regulation of motivation cognitively generated (Bandura, A. (1994). Self-efficacy. In V. S. Ramachandran (Ed.), Encyclopedia of human behavior (Vol. 4, pp. 71-81). New York: Academic Press.). He seems to think of self-efficacy as beliefs in their coping capabilities affect how much stress and depression they experience in threatening or difficult situations, as well as their level of motivation. As well as performance outcomes, self-efficacy also comes through verbal persuasion: the encouragement of others’ abilities/performance and the discouragement. If a fellow student gives positive feedback and congratulates them on their performance, the dancer’s self-efficacy will increase. However, if a dancer is given negative feedback and unpleasant comments it lowers their self-efficacy and can have a psychological response.

As a dancer, I found that when I was given positive feedback it did help boost my self-efficacy which I felt enhanced my performance levels. However, in my early teens, there was a phase where I had pretty severe acne which really lowered my self-efficacy and I became very wary of my appearance. I did find ways of increasing my self-efficacy, there were times when I would simply say to myself I can do this maybe 4 to 5 times every time I felt like giving up. I started uploading videos of myself playing guitar on social media and would sometimes go live, the comments I kept getting from my followers were heartwarming to know that they appreciate what I do and I became less shy and insecure. I started to concentrate on my physical strength and muscle in order to be able to lift without gaining injuries.

Self-efficacy initially is all linked to self-confidence as it too shares an interest in the psychological response, in the sense that it’s all in your mindset and just a matter of self-belief. You can strengthen your mind and focus on what is needed to achieve.

With reference to Self- efficacy, Barry. J Zimmerman ( author of Contemporary Educational Psychology) says Self-efficacy has emerged as a highly effective predator of students motivation and learning. Zimmerman, B. J. (2000). Self-efficacy: An essential motive to learn. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 25(1), 82-91.

The idea of Self- efficacy being a predator completely changes my view, in the sense that self-efficacy feeds on the mind and determines whether you got high or low self-efficacy.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a crucial part in a dancer’s life, without it, a dancer hasnt got the thrive or the determination to fight for their goal.

Like water is made up of 2 components, oxygen (O) and Hydrogen (H). Self-esteem is made up of two key components, self-worth, and self-confidence. There is no difference between the two, those associated with the psychological research will simply define the two as self-esteem.

Self-esteem can be achieved through ;

    • Listening to feedback, both positive and developmental.
    • Being self-critical.
    • Recognizing your own achievements.

It is essential for a performer, in any discipline, to have self-confidence and self-esteem. It is also essential that performers continue to self-evaluate and always strive to be at their best.

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