Identity in McBrides The Color of Water

Table of Contents

Introduction
Main body
Conclusion
Work Cited

Introduction

Looking for a place to fit in and have an identity is a ubiquitous quest. Self-identity correlates with the individual or self: essentially what makes us human. Most people find belonging and comprehension of the self within societies of culture, race, or religion while others find it hard to fit in with just any community and are stipulated to wander till they acquire it. This circumstance applies to James McBride and his mother, Ruth McBride in the compelling novel The Color of Water. In the beginning, McBride strived to define himself by his exterior, his raging emotions, and through external feedback from others which resulted in an identity crisis that stopped when he learns about his racial background.

Main body

From the novel, it is evident that the most significant aspect where feedback could be immediately provided is race; which involves an individuals skin tone. McBrides racial difference came to his attention during his early childhood years when he noticed that both white and black people often stared at his white mom and his biracial siblings. This reaction signalled that his family was different from what society regarded as acceptable and ordinary. When he compared his mothers skin tone, he noticed that her skin was white while he was black but upon confrontation, his mother would say that she is fair looking and always change the subject. (McBride 21). As he was a child, this confused him given that most people he associated with were black, which made him uncomfortable about the fact that his mother is white. He yearned to be accepted by society and there was a point he thought that his life would be better if his family just shared one skin tone, whether black or white (McBride 103). As a result, McBride had an identity crisis since he was uncertain of how he belonged to society.

Due to his moms secretive past, McBride spent most of his childhood years feeling confused with his identity. His mother never spoke about her past life with her children and chose only to promote secrecy, education, and religion between her children. McBride states that his mother emphasized on total privacy, good grades, and never to trust nobody, not of their race or even conceal details of their home to any authority figures or friends (McBride 27). Such teachings affected McBride as he matures since he is alienated and has no exposure to his culture which eventually results in an identity crisis. Eventually, McBride creates a fiction of himself; a boy in the mirror whom he despised since he did not ache, was free, rarely ravenous, and did not have a white mom (McBride 90-91). The boy in the mirror was a depiction of what he wished he had (freedom and happiness) and a piece of him that did not experience racial confusion as he did.

Through analysing his emotions and thoughts as well as other peoples feedback, it becomes evident where McBride belongs in society, especially when he begins to experiment with numerous groups of people. Convinced that his mothers skin tone hindered him from fitting in society, McBride tries not to be seen with her and starts his process of running, emotionally disconnecting himself from her (McBride 138). He dropped out of school despite being an outstanding student to search for someone he could identify with. In the process, he gets recruited by a black gang of boys and indulges in their criminal activities. Even though McBride knew of the wrongdoings the gang was facilitating, he still felt that he was getting back at the universe for all the injustices he experienced (McBride 141). After a while, he realizes that he is only physically rather than mentally connected to the gang and goes back to New York, although it meant going back to deal with his identity crisis again.

When he became an adult, he began to uncover Ruths secretive past. He understands that his mother is a Jew and experienced a tough childhood due to her father. His entire life, he did not comprehend his white mother, but here he sees that they are connected that gives him a sense of belonging and identity he yearned for. McBride states that the uncertainty that was growing and lived inside him had dissipated and the ache that admired the boy in the mirror vanished (McBride 229). Before, McBride tried to describe himself through his skin colour as a society did. However, after uncovering this secret and his cultural background, he truly comprehends who he is; a human being with a cultural and racial background but, above all, a human.

Conclusion

Taking everything into account, McBride depicts how an identity crisis can affect the impression of the self. McBrides confusion with his identity of whether he is black or white imparts vulnerability and disarray in him that he starts resenting his mother and a piece of him that was black. In the end, McBride understood that the issue was not that he failed to fit in society, it was that he was searching himself in the wrong places. When he did find the part of him he searched for, nothing kept him down and changed how he perceived himself.